Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
