"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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