remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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