So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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