i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
