So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
