I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
