Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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