We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
