last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
