I'm going to jail i love you
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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