Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
