glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
