the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
