looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
