Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
