How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
His nipple licking is glorious
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