probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
