I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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