this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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