So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
