allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
