U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
