found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
