Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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