non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
