the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
