THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You can't special order awesome
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
