I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
