Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
