There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
