i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
