just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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