look no pants
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
