i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
