Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dicks are not precious.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
