My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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