i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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