I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
one might say we're banned from that church
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
