ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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