just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
