If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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