im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
