You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
