Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
4 words: hood of his car
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
