Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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