I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
