dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
