You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
