Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
