I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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