there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
