I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
